Healing for you and your family.

Parenting from the Wounded Child Within

By Genoveva Rodriguez-Castaneda

Parenting is one of life’s greatest adventures, it grounds us and makes us feel consequential—but also is one of its most profound challenges. For many of us, there is nothing like the journey of raising children to stir up memories and feelings from our own childhoods. Sometimes, these memories are beautiful and nourishing, and passing the games and laughter to the next generation is one of the greatest joys life has to offer. Other times, they reveal wounds we carry deep within: deep moments of neglect, criticism, abuse or unmet needs that shaped our sense of self. When we parent from the “wounded child” within, we may find ourselves reacting in ways we don’t fully understand—repeating patterns, feeling triggered, or struggling to give our children what we ourselves never received. For example, a friend froze when her teenage daughter asked her to drive her to a protest for LGBTQA+ rights. She felt a zing of electricity and fear from her spine down to her legs. She carried on and drove her daughter to the protest, however she was left feeling the fear of growing up in a country were protests turned in to chaos and meant beatings, people disappearing and worse. Luckily she was grounded enough to let her daughter go, without letting her own childhood reality tarnish the life of her daughter.

Another friend has been traumatized by her mother's terror. You see, her mother was severely molested and raised her daughter with such fear of being molested or predated by people that she can't wear a robe in doctors visits or hospitals. This is how trauma gets passed from one generation to the next. Our mom was oppressed by our dad so we then become oppressors of our husbands. We grew up in chaos so we become perfectionists and overachievers who don't give ourselves a minute to take a breath and make mistakes.

But there’s hope ! By tending to our inner child—the part of us that still yearns for comfort, safety, and unconditional love— and integrating it we can break cycles, heal old wounds, and become the parents our children need. Here’s how you can start this transformative journey.

5 Important Things to Do to Tend Your Inner Child Wounds

1. Recognize Your Triggers and Patterns

Start by noticing when you feel disproportionately upset, angry, or helpless as a parent. Are there moments when your child’s behavior evokes strong emotions? These are often clues to unresolved wounds from your own childhood. Journaling or talking with a trusted friend or therapist can help you identify these patterns.

2. Practice Self-Compassion

Your inner child needs the same kindness and understanding you strive to give your children or your best friends. When you catch yourself being self-critical or ashamed of your parenting mistakes, pause and offer yourself gentle words: “I’m doing my best. It’s okay to struggle. I can learn from this and grow.” Self-compassion helps quiet the critical voice within and instead soothes the wounded child you carry inside your memory.

3. Reparent Yourself

Give yourself what you needed as a child. Did you long for more affection, encouragement, or safety? Find small ways to provide these now—whether it’s through positive self-talk, creating comforting routines, or seeking supportive relationships. Remember, it’s never too late to nurture your own heart. Your subconscious has enormous healing power. Seek therapy and "return" to those moments and tenderly speak to yourself, giving the security, love and understanding you were entitled to, but for one reason or another, didn't get from your parents.

4. Set Healthy Boundaries

Sometimes, our wounds make it hard to say no or to assert our needs. Practice setting boundaries with others (and with yourself) that protect your well-being. This might mean taking a break when overwhelmed, seeking help, or limiting contact with people who trigger old pain. Healthy boundaries are a gift to both you and your children.

5. Seek Connection and Community

Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. When we are hurt, we believe that we are the only people in the world to whom this happened. Believe it or not there are lots of people that, like you, were hurt and struggled to survive their childhoods. So reach out to others—whether it’s a support group, a therapist, or friends who understand your journey. Sharing your story and hearing others’ experiences can bring comfort, perspective, and hope. Connection helps us remember we’re not alone.

Why This Matters

When you tend to your inner child’s wounds, you model healing, resilience, and self-love for your children. You show them that it’s okay to have big feelings, to make mistakes, and to ask for help. You create a home where everyone can grow—starting with yourself. Plus, the child wounds that you heal allow you to parent not from the wounded child and your past traumatic experiences, but from the present moment.

Parenting from a place of healing is a journey and it isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present, honest, and willing to do the inner work. As you care for the wounded child within, you break generational cycles and offer your family the gift of a more peaceful, loving future.

Remember: Your inner child deserves the same tenderness you wish for your own best friends and children. Start with small steps, celebrate your progress, and know that every act of self-care ripples outward—changing not just your life, but the lives of those you love.

If this resonates with you, consider sharing your own journey or seeking support with someone else. Healing is possible, and you are worthy of it. Share this blog if you learned something by reading it.